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Friday, November 28, 2003


Interesting stuff 

A couple of things that I found interesting:

Don't understand what the hell is the go with the asylum seeker/refugee/boat people crisis? This article in the Asia Times (found via Gareth Parker and Professor Bunyip), offers probably the best explanation of it that I've read. It's actually a book review on some dumb lefty take on it, but the review itself explains the whole situation objectively and very well. Tidbits:

If the description of Howard as some sort of latter-day Genghis Khan might appear excessive to anyone not familiar with the vagaries of Australian domestic politics, it is in keeping with the acrimony, compounded by a good dose of irrationality, that typifies much of the migration and asylum debate in Australia.


...

If the captain of the Tampa had had his way there would not have been an incident in the first place. At the time of the rescue the ship was on its way to Singapore and had obtained authorization to land the rescued at Merak, the Indonesian port they had departed from. Conversely, the closest landfall was Australia's Christmas Island, which happened to be the destination of the Palapa.

However, when the Afghans heard that the Tampa was setting sail for Merak they became "angry". With a crew of some 40 men, the captain of the Tampa, Arne Rinnan, felt that the situation was getting out of control. What followed was a surreal wrangle involving Canberra, Oslo, the UN and last but not least Rinnan, who had no choice but to sail to Christmas Island.


...

Ultimately, Dark Victory is sour grapes. An election was lost. Illegal arrivals practically came to a stop, and with it the number of "offshore" refugee visas granted in 2002 reached a five-year high. A dark victory indeed.


It's really a fantastic article and as it's not from an Australian source, it's harder to declare that the writer is biased (although I bet a lot of leftys will go "HE IS! HE DISAGREES WITH ME! THAT MEANS HE'S BIASED!"). He's just done his research well, and it shows.



Now, onto the other Interesting Thing™:

Andrew Bolt wrote a piece in the Herald Sun regarding the current Labor government in Victoria. In my mind it shows the folly of any Labor government that I've always had trouble explaining to people:

Now the second leg of the deadly double is galloping home -- Labor's equally traditional weakness for taxing big and spending bigger.

The Auditor-General this month warned that over the past five years, Bracks and his cash shovellers have raised spending by 35 per cent, but increased their income only 21 per cent.


...

A growing perception that the state is running out of money under Labor -- again -- is bad enough. What makes it even more damaging this time is that Labor is short of cash during a boom (all that stamp duty!) and despite inheriting squillions from Jeff Kennett.


This is why I don't vote Labor.


Classic Hits 

I'm nearly up to 3,500 hits for this website since .... whenever it was that I started. Back in February or something. That's not nearly enough hits to satisfy me, but hey, I guess it beats getting no hits at all.


Labor troubles Pt. II 

Just listened to Crean's press conference on the radio. As expected, he's stepping down.

He took a few stabs at how evil John Howard is and all that. Typical Creanisms. Personally, I'm glad to see this guy get out of the Labor spotlight; he was there for far too long. I'm predicting Mark Latham to come through as the new Labor leader, and the political battles between him and Peter Costello should be interesting. Equally interesting will be the battles between Latham and Howard.


More Labor troubles... 

The Labor Party is in disarray again after Simon Crean has called a press conference at 10:15 this morning (about 25 minutes from typing this). He's expected to resign as Labor leader, and Mark Latham to replace him.

This is rather interesting as Latham's liberal trade policies are quite similar to those of the current Liberal government (if they could have their way, anyway). I've also mentioned how the far left don't like Latham; so this may prove to be just as detrimental to the Labor Party in the next election as Crean staying on. If all of the real leftys out there go for the Greens and/or Democrats and all the moderates and rightys adopt a "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" attitude, it will be an interesting outcome.


Thursday, November 27, 2003


Losers are in this post somewhere, too 

I was going to write something else this evening, but I got sidetracked. Oh well.

In the meantime, read what Gareth Parker has to say about those evil, dirty, low-down, scumbag Americans undermining Australian culture. If you're unfamiliar with the current debate within the entertainment industry and the Australian government, I'll do my best to summarise:

* Howard wants free-trade agreement with United States (yay!)

* Australian film and television industry cries foul because the United States will take over our industry.

* Many points are raised about how the Australian Film Finance Corporation is taxpayer-funded and nearly all of the 169 features backed by the government have totally flopped. Still, the morons in the industry think it's worth keeping.

* Debate rages.

I agree to a large extent of what Gareth has to say, so I suggest you read it while I leave with yet another flimsy "read this so I can get away with writing less" post. Goodnight!


More losers! 

There appears to be some confusion with entertainment reporters as to whether they actually have brains or not. Confusion on my part, that is. See, News Ltd.'s entertainment jounalists have an article about Australian Idol loser Shannon Noll performing the National Anthem at this weekend's final round of the V8 Supercar championship.

From News Ltd.'s article on Shannon Noll:
He'll face his biggest crowd yet - about 39,000 - as he belts out the National Anthem for Round 3 of the series at Eastern Creek at the weekend.


It's actually a 13-round series, and if this is the grand finale, it should be round 13.

Why am I making a big deal out of what is obviously a typo? ........ I don't know, but it just feels like it's something that I should do! I guess it beats me making fun of the poor grammar and structure of the excerpt. That would be a really dumb thing to do.


Wednesday, November 26, 2003


Loser! 

Labor frontbencher Mark Latham doesn't seem to have anybody that likes him. Most conservatives don't like him because he's a Labor MP (well, I don't like him for that reason anyway), and the tofu voters don't like him because he wants to initiate tax cuts:

Latham’s commitment to ‘tax relief’ for those ‘struggling’ on as much as $60,000-$80,000 a year has many shaking their heads in disbelief. It is enough to prompt one to consider the plight of the unemployed, the welfare-dependent¹, or the working poor, and their place in Latham’s ‘order of priorities’. Those on Labor’s Left (and even some from its Right) will be searching their consciences in the face of proposals that can only serve to hasten the ‘Americanisation’ of Australia’s social and economic systems.² (ie: obsession with small government and tax cuts, ‘flattening’ of an already regressive tax system, marginalization of the interests of workers, and of the poor, destruction of the welfare state³)


I have three points to make, all regarding what has been bolded and noted. Maybe Latham isn't as much of an idiot as ... wait, no. That can't be true.

¹ - The welfare-dependent often refuse to work and still think they deserve their fortnightly dole cheque. If they are not genuinely in need of government support (and I can assure you from experience that at least 80% of "welfare-dependent" people aren't), they should not expect the governments support. Cut taxes to minimise government spending!

² - It couldn't be that the American social and economic systems work better than ours, could it? Small government and low taxes get the government and it's agencies out of the individuals face, thereby giving more freedom. How is that a bad thing? A big, high-taxing government is the kind that bullies you out of your hard-earned money and acts on behalf of the people who know virtually nothing about it (the "welfare-dependent"). As a result, governments spend more than they should and it ends up being a bit of a "big brother" scenario. Cut taxes to minimise government spending!

³ - Hooray for the downfall of socialism! Cut taxes to minimise government spending!


Liar! 

So, an 82-year-old man has been jailed for fraud... My first thought upon reading the headline was, "so what - he's not the first old man to forget his age!"


Tuesday, November 25, 2003


Fun for all! 

Dear God! I've been delivered a threat in the comments to this post by some really tough-sounding guy who goes by the name of "**Evil Egg**". Here is the tough guy's threat:

You are a dman fool boy. You know nothing about nothing.

you best stay away from mono.net I think your taste in clothes and music would make us all puke.

Fuck off back to you mummsie and daddsie.
**Evil Egg**


Of course, it would be juvenile to point out the many grammatical errors he made there. If you can't spot them, I think you've pulled a scientific first by being dumber than this **Evil Egg** character. An equally juvenile thing to do would be to ask what the hell is the go with the asterisks surrounding the name - I thought only 13-year old bimbo girls put them around their names, amidst IM messages of "LOL", "WTF", "OMG" and "ur a looser!". So there'll be none of that. Here is my completely non-juvenile response:

So, if I know nothing about nothing, does it mean I know everything about everything?

I'd go and troll around your precious mono.net but I don't have the time... And whatever time I spent there would only be wasted anyway, as is the style of all you stupid, fuckwitted, hard-left, "the world owes me everything", tax-eating, backwards-thinking, cock-stroking, limp-wristed, idiotic, empty-headed, untalented, unshowered, badly stinking, badly dressed, pot-smoking, acid-tripping, penniless fucking hippy whingers.


I'm trying to figure out what the hell this guy could possibly do to me other than lecture me about how cool it is to be an unemployed, dole-bludging layabout. As a side note, it's actually rather interesting to be given fashion advice from somebody who is obviously proud to be wearing 2nd-hand clothes that stink of mothballs. It's kind of like an artist dishing out socialist economic policy and claiming "they know best", while the people at the Adam Smith Institute apparently "know nothing about nothing" and are "dman fools".

Oh, finally, I'm posting this as a predictable reaction simply because it's always fun to hear the looney rants and ravings of dumbass musicians/artists/wankers. Heh heh heh.


Adbusting Adbusters 

Oh, those wacky anti-consumer artists...



These guys seem to be really weak - there's nothing on their site for me to have a go at! It's typical lefty moonbat crap, but nothing other than the ordinary "right-wing fascists are taking away OUR earth, man!" stuff.


Maggot who? 

Via Tim Blair comes Margo Kingston's latest leftoid drivel. If you're unfamiliar with Margo, a rather swift visit to Tim's site would fix that unfamiliarity quick-smart.

Anyway, back to the article. Truth be told, I didn't read the monkey feces that took the form of a webdiary article, but I did come across one part which amused me:

...why is our political, media and business establishment so intent on keeping ordinary people out of the political sphere? Why do they fear them so much? Why do they seek to destroy them rather than having a conversation?


Memo to Margo: You do not represent what is normal. It's a simple fact of life that people will vote, and have voted for, who they want to see in power. If you were classed as "normal", Bob Brown would be Prime Minister and... well, I sure wouldn't be living in Australia.


Monday, November 24, 2003


Advice for the next election 

Looking to vote Greens or Democrats next election? Andrew Bolt points out what you'd be voting for:

So let me test your sense of smell by presenting some of Brown's official policies.

His Greens want higher taxes for all, but particularly for business, whose taxes will leap from 30 cents in the dollar to "at least 49 cents". Bye-bye jobs.

But that's if those businesses are allowed to exist in the first place. The Greens want to ban smelters, end uranium mining, "phase out old coal-fired power stations", "dramatically reduce . . . use of fossil fuels for transport", stop genetic engineering and limit mining exploration.

Dams will be made to hold less water, and farms will be abandoned and roads dug up until the land they occupy is "below 1995 levels".

Who needs to work, anyway? The Greens plan to "contribute to altering community perceptions of work", by imposing a "four-day working week". What's more, they'll give anyone a Guaranteed Adequate Income "without the prior necessity to seek work". Without the necessity to seek work ever.

This will help "people to fulfil their real . . . social needs", which the Greens believe may include taking drugs.

Yes, the Greens say drugs should be decriminalised, heroin handed out and softer drugs made "more freely available" because people need "the opportunity to achieve personal fulfilment" and that "may, for some people at particular times, involve the use of drugs".

But life won't be all dope and skittles. Sadly, car spaces will be cut and people made to "travel less by air". Instead, they'll be encouraged to "increase the proportion of bike trips to 20 per cent".

Even so, what a lure this land will be, especially when people smugglers learn that no asylum seeker will be detained for more than 14 days, even if we can't find out who on Earth they are.

...

But suppose the worst. Even if foreign armies storm in to pinch our drugs and dole, the Greens will be ready. They plan to give "non-violent civilian resistance training" to a civil force which can help defend us should we be "militarily threatened".

I can see it now, Bob Brown leading the Fourth Regiment of Big Hugs into battle on their bicycles, while stoned citizens lazily cheer him from the rusted roofs of long-dead power stations.


It just goes to show that you can't join the Greens supporters club without a boarding pass.

(via Tim Blair)


Report: Smelly Hippy Fest '03 

Yesterday in the small coastal NSW town of Forster there was a free concert with a few bands from here and there playing throughout the afternoon. With a title like "Commotion by the Ocean", you probably wouldn't expect much.

And indeed the event lived up to expectations by sucking. I was there (... for about 5 minutes)! The turnout was very impressive, as these pictures show:





There was one impressive part of the day, though. With the crowd being so small, I was impressed at the amount of marijuana and alcohol that the crowd seemed to have at what was supposed to be an alcohol and drug-free event.

What were the performances like, you ask? Well, as I expected they were all singing/rapping about how evil America is; how much the WTO sucks; how racist everybody is etc. You know, typical angry teenager shit that artists just don't seem to snap out of... even those into their 40s and 50s. It's quite sad really...


Friday, November 21, 2003


Arsetist 

In a nanosecond of creativity, I managed to belt out this poem. Impressive, huh?

It is so very hot,
I wish so much for it to storm.
It is so very humid,
And I just wish it would storm.

Storm, storm, storm,
Storm, storm, storm,
Storm you fucking bastard,
Storm.


I know, I know; it's beautiful. $50 per autograph!


I'm a fascist nice guy! 

So anyway, I get told a lot by smelly hippies and hippy sympathisers alike that I'm a "right-wing fascist, man!" Do I care? No.

I know I'm not fascist. I think my lack of trust in any government (left or right-leaning) gives it away a little. I may agree with what an administration is doing at any given time, but I would never hand over my trust to them and automatically assume they'll always do the right thing by me. Whoa, I'm starting to sound like a small-l liberal. I think the term for it is "right-wing libertarian". My love of capitalism keeps me sane.

Mmmm... capitalism.

Oh, did I also mention that I love right-wing economics because it results in free trade agreements between countries so I get cheap beer?


Wondernomics 

Man, I love free trade. It is so awesome. It's a hot Friday afternoon and I have just finished work after a hellish 10-hour day (7:30am - 5:30pm). Naturally, I'm going to want a beer or twelve to settle me down, so I go home via the liquor store. Having recently developed a taste for "New Zealand's finest" beer, Steinlager, I thought that I'd get me a case of it. I go to pay for it and it only turns out to be $38 (compared to Australian "premium" beers like Crown Lager and Hahn Premium which are something in the order of $45 for a case).

Isn't the lack of import tariffs great?


Thursday, November 20, 2003


Last minute cancellation 

I was going to write more here, but it wasn't funny or even remotely entertaining to read. So I canned it. I figure you'd prefer to read nothing than read something I typed while trying to be funny or insightful.

That's right, what I was going to post here somehow managed to be even worse than the usual crap.


Hotness! 

I don't know what to write about today other than the weather. It was fuggin' hot here in Taree Hell today. Er, but you'd almost expect that, wouldn't you?

Everybody has been too wimpy to comment on my DIY war show idea thus far. This, naturally, makes me not care much. I mean, 99% of people who leave comments don't say "hey, good idea!"; they say "hey, that sounds cool, but it'd be better if..." Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that the reason that people haven't commented on it is because they know that they can't improve on perfect. Hooray for me!

In other news, summer is practically upon us here in the southern hemisphere. The air-conditioning place that I work at now run is going for a new look this summer, so I thought I'd throw out a slogan invitation. Here are some of my current ideas following the one theme (new themes or different angles are more what I'm after):

"We are so cool!"

"Go with us if you wanna be cool"

"Ugly house? Make it the coolest house on the street!"

Yeah I know, they're pretty lame. That's actually why I'd like you guys to do better. Wow, who else came to that conclusion? ... If I'm the only one, I swear I'm going to have to get new readers...


Wednesday, November 19, 2003


Now here's an idea... 

There is much lobbying going on for the United States to start a new conflict because Afghanistan and Iraq are boring. I agree! Bald Monkey has the scoop:

With current affairs circulation and rating plummeting, it's easy to see where this sense of urgency for a new crisis is coming from.

"DIY is a great cash-cow," said Kerry Packer, "but nothing pulls in the punters like blowing the shit out of someone."


This part in particular got me thinking. Well, as close to thinking as some website trolls would allow me to get anyway. Er... So yeah, here's my idea:

A DIY war show

How good would that be? Are you one of the many left-wing sub-human crackpots people who thought you could better handle the Iraq conflict while successfully avoiding a quagmire? Now's your chance to put your... ahem... "intellect" where your mouth is! Sign up for auditions for "Logical Eye for the War Guy", and you could end up being one of the three chosen to undertake a regime-change operation! The three countries that don't know about this yet are generously providing their soon-to-be carparks for this entertainment spectacle will be chosen out of these candidates:

* Syria
* Iran
* Saudi Arabia
* North Korea
* France

Details are yet to be finalised, but any interested parties that want a slice of the action (i.e. "want to pay me for the use of my idea") can feel free to contact me.


Tuesday, November 18, 2003


I'm a genious! 

Well, I don't know about how much of a genius I am, but hey. I did the National IQ Test and, according to this test, I have an IQ of 123 (86% of questions correct). I have the same IQ as Walt Disney.

As a side note, that vampire-wannabe moron in the "teens" section in the television studio with that dumb band... whatever his name is... I hope he got hit with a piano on his way out of the studio. What an ass. I'm also smarter than him, so if he ever reads this, he can suck it*.





*DISCLAIMER: The "it" that I'm referring to in no way relates to me personally. Naturally I'd think of something far more disgusting to inflict upon him/it.


Two turntables and a microphone... 

It's where it's at! The discussion that I've mentioned before is continuing to prove that fun is easy to have. Apparently my over-the-top arrogance in the previous post was taken seriously. Oh, and I'm also the Prime Minister of Australia for some reason:

We has made the widdle John Howard gwumpy:

martyk.blogspot.com/2003_11_01_martyk_ar ...

"I wasn't aware of this until I read this discussion at some dumb music forum that I've never heard of"

"Now all I have to do is write something that will piss all these morons off... "

methinks if ya gonna blog about you politics, then well:

"If Ya Wanna Rock N Roll, Ya Gotta Pay The Band"


These guys are smart.

Now that I'm Prime Minister of Australia, I have a few changes to make. The following institutions/agencies/things will be privatised:

* Telstra
* Centrelink
* Schools
* The Labor Party
* Tasmania

Actually, scratch Tasmania. I'd probably get more for it if I sold it to the Palestinians and then blew it up. I'm pretty sure that'd seal the free-trade agreement between George and myself; especially if I let him test out a few of his new bombs... I'd also get the next Nobel Peace Prize because I settled the Israeli-Palestinian conflict! Hooray!

I'd make such a cool Prime Minister.


Monday, November 17, 2003


Birthday boy! 

It's my birthday and I don't have to update my blog if I don't want to!


A quick analysis of Michael Moore 

So this weekend just gone I got into a discussion (for lack of a better term) with a friend about politics and stuff. This guy is an interesting example of either;

a) A complete looney; or
b) An entirely unique individual.

I have never, ever come across anybody who owns their own business, is all for globalisation and all that jazz, and yet regards Michael Moore as "a genius". It's like somebody who is sitting in a pub telling everybody else to quit smoking, then he lights up a cigar. It just doesn't make sense.

He made me read the chapter "Jesus W. Christ" out of Moore's new book, Dude, Where's My Country? (to which when this friend pulled the book out of his bag, I said "you didn't pay money for that garbage, did you?"). Sure, it was kind of humourous, but Moore is still a hate-filled jackass. And he must be full of a lot of hate given his size [ha ha - there's the obligatory fat joke]. Anyway, after reading that chapter -- actually, that's a lie. I read the first two pages, then quickly scanned the next couple, then slammed the book shut in frustration -- I began to ponder on what he actually said in the chapter. There were a couple of things in that chapter that I would probably agree with Moore on; the Israelis and the Palestinians are fighting over what is essentially a bit of barely habitable sand - why bother? On the whole, however, I think that, after reading that, he's just creating a stir mainly for publicity. Sure, he's a left-wing crackpot, but it's kind of exaggerated. Much like Frank J. - the most hilarious blogger known to man - is a heavily-exaggerated right-winger. It sells.

This theory of exaggeration (or a gimmick, if you will) is further backed-up by this video which has Moore coming across as a pretty level-headed guy. He's in show business, so he makes whatever he does a show instead of a lecture. So essentially, he exaggerates his real political views to capture the hearts of the left-wing and those that hold little interest in politics who, lets face it, add up to be greater in numbers than the right-of-centre people. They take his act as gospel and have fallen for his ploy.

There seems to be a trend amongst the population of any country (particularly "western" countries) that only people that say bad things about their country are worth listening to. Those who say "this country is totally fucked" are always going to get more attention than those who say "hey, we're not perfect; but this place sure beats the piss out of living in war-torn countries". Michael Moore takes direct advantage of this mentality and is a very big reason as to why he has such a large following.

So, followers of Michael Moore, I put forward to you that you've fallen into being ideologically brainwashed in the very same way that you accuse America-supporters of being brainwashed by Evil George and his Oil Buddies™. Oh, the irony.


Sunday, November 16, 2003


Rich vs. Poor 

I found this in the comments to this post on the Adam Smith Institute Blog (very slightly edited):

It reminds me of something Margaret Thatcher said in Parliament on 22 November, 1990 (answering the no confidence vote), in response to a question from Simon Hughes about the gap between the rich and the poor.

Thatcher: People on all levels of income are better off than they were in 1979. The hon Gentleman is saying that he would rather that the poor were poorer, provided that the rich were less rich. That way one will never create the wealth for better social services, as we have. What a policy. Yes, he would rather have the poor poorer, provided that the rich were less rich. That is the Liberal policy.

Hughes: No.

Thatcher: Yes, it came out. The hon Member did not intend it to, but it did.


It's true - you will always hear about people being "too rich" as opposed to people being "too poor". The fact that most rich people might actually go out and earn their riches seems to be an entirely alien concept to the people battling on behalf of the poor.


It's all about meeeeee! 

It's approaching 40ºC outside today, so I'm sitting inside (in air conditioned comfort) with a nice cold beer. I walk outside about half an hour later; it's quickly become overcast, windy and the temperature has dropped at least 20ºC.

So I have a cold beer outside.

I think I could get used to a nice lunch, a couple of bottles of wine and/or one or two cold, refreshing lagers on a Sunday afternoon...


Friday, November 14, 2003


Silence is, apparently, a virtue 

I'm not going to apologise for my lack of posting yesterday, because you bastards don't deserve an apology. Nor do you deserve a good posting today. Actually, come to think of it, you guys do deserve a posting. I'm a-gonna post you so hard!

As pointed out in the post below, this blog may annoy a few people out there. I wasn't aware of this until I read this discussion at some dumb music forum that I've never heard of. I'm still not sure whether I should be angered by the assurance that this blog will "make you go right off", or whether I should feel warm and fuzzy about it. Oh well, the way I see it, any publicity is good publicity. So, everyone that hates this blog (and me by extension), feel free to go and tell everyone all about it!

Now all I have to do is write something that will piss all these morons off... The public/private education debate usually creates quite a bit of heat, so here goes:

--------------------

So anyway, I was watching the news on my brand new flat-screen HDTV this evening and some guy came on defending public education. He was all like, "it's the government's responsibility to provide for all these children! The way the government runs schools is so crap - they're like 'do it my way or else!' It's kind of like they're trying to run these schools or something! Therefore, I suggest that public education gets a 4500% funding increase from the government, but the government butt right out of this!"

My RightySense™ automatically kicks in and responds with, "if you don't like it, pay for it yourself!" But apparently that's not what I should be thinking, or something. Here's an analogy:

Public schooling is kind of like a cheap little Hyundai car. It gets the job done, but has no real quality about it and tends to go on strike for no real reason.

Private schooling is like a cool car that goes fast (think BMW at least), and that classrooms have leather seats and all kids are fitted with satellite navigation for when they don't know their way around.

Furthermore I think that..... ahh, screw it. I'm tired. You can all go to hell! Especially those people who were meant to be pissed off by this!


Going off! 

I wonder if I should take my mention in this discussion as a compliment?

wanna read a blog likely to make you go right off?


Pissing people off is fun.


Wednesday, November 12, 2003


A Wednesday rant 

It just hit me that a person that reads this site not knowing the first thing about me would probably think I'm rather crazy. This trend is going to continue, as it generates a lot of hate-mail from people who think I'm serious when I'm really joking, or vice versa.

So I'm considering buying a sword so instead of crushing those who disobey me, or simply shooting them, I can kindly remove any unwanted limbs. Especially if I encounter an intruder...

"You! Put that down!"

*Cuts off arm*

"You should have listened to me..."

It'd be like one of those bad samurai movies, except better, because I'm in it. Seriously though, I like the idea of getting a sword. I'd even look cool just doing the pose - people wouldn't want to mess with the guy with the sword. Unless they had a gun, of course, but I'm pretty sure that most guns are meant to be illegal in Australia due to some fuckwitted Tasmanians.

Erghhh... Stupid Tasmanians. Down there they have idiots that go on 35-victim shooting rampages and also dorks like Bob Brown who also fits into the crazy group. Hmm, now that I think about it, if a terrorist attack occurred in Tasmania, it might bring some benefits with it. Think about it before you start yelling wildly at me:

* It's just bombing a place that, quite frankly, nobody gives two hoots about (despite what the level of federal representation will tell you).

* It gives Australia and, by extension, America an excuse to bomb the crap out of more dumb middle-eastern terrorist-harbouring nations.

However, I think America should have less tact with their bombing. They have all these satellite-guided bombs and everything that are accurate to within centimetres of their target. That's not destructive enough for my liking. How the hell are they going to be able to invade these countries under the pretext of "a war for oil" or "revenge for Daddy" with barely killing anyone? If America is as ruthless as those stupid, hippy protesters say they are, why the hell didn't they just wipe 99% of the Iraqi population out with a couple of misguided nukes or something? It's no wonder that Iraq is a "quagmire" now - the Americans weren't bloody ruthless enough!

Stupid Americans - they can't do anything right!


Irrerelevent posting 

This post is boring and uninteresting, because the real excitement is to be found in the comments. Read!


Tuesday, November 11, 2003


Tidbits 

Here are some smaller tidbits that don't warrant their own posts.

* First of all, we know rich people are more often than not greedy bastards who manipulate anything and everything in order to make a personal gain. Michael Moore says so, so it must be true! Right? Wrong.

* Water restrictions are in force throughout New South Wales, and particularly Sydney. Normally, I wouldn't care too much, mainly because what are the chances of getting caught by an authoritative figure, if I'm washing the car in the yard or driveway? After all, according to this, Sydney Water has 50 "water restriction officers" policing 4.2 million customers throughout Greater Sydney. Just make sure you don't get dobbed in or anything... Although I guess it'll give you an excuse to kill your neighbours!

* I've heard it many times before, but haha anyway.

* Bald Monkey has nailed why everyone gets pissed off with those stupid Americans. Stop being so successful, you bastards!

* In a related piece, John Hawkins is a bit more serious about the topic of people that hate America:

These people are no different than the 17 year-old girls who hate the most popular girl in school, an uncle who gets all bent out of shape at what some rich guy does with his money, or even your friend who can’t help but rant about how much he hates Britney Spears every time you mention her name.

You want to make them stop hating America? That’s easy; all we have to do is fail, crash, burn, and preferably have our noses rubbed in it to boot. Then once America became another Belgium or Brazil, all of these petty people would stop hating us. But as long as America continues to be an economic powerhouse, a military juggernaut, & the world’s only super power, we’re just going to have to get used to people disliking us because it comes with the territory.


Very good, and it's true. You hate something or someone that is, for lack of a better term, "better off" than you are, but do you ever admit that you hate them because they're better than you? The same kind of hatred from people will be directed at China when it gains enough momentum to be classed as a superpower; it's just small people yelling at the high and mighty because, logically, they're the people that deserve to be yelled at due to their level of power. It's just something that people (Americans, the Chinese, whoever) will have to get used to.

* It's very scary when satire stories actually make sense when you take them seriously...


Monday, November 10, 2003


Ha! 

I found it - the greatest restaurant in North Sydney:



Actually, I've heard it isn't too bad there. Seriously.


This might explain something 

So while I was in Sydney for my sister's 21st birthday celebrations, I met a few very interesting people. Well, either they were interesting, or the large amount of beer and wine I consumed made them interesting... Though I think it'd be best if I give them all the benefit of the doubt...

Anyway, I think I created a little bit of a stir when I announced that I was by far the most right-wing person at the table. First there was a stunned silence which seemed to last forever. Finally, another party member queried, "why on earth are you a right-winger?" After thinking for a bit, it hit me. I now know why I am so right-wing. This is what I replied with, edited to make it more coherent and less slurred:

Through repeated experience by my father and myself, we had come to the conclusion that "only the good die young". With this in mind, we took into account that left-wingers proclaim to be constantly "doing good" by caring for all the poor people and arts students out there. Also, it is common knowledge that any member of the Australian Liberal Party, or the American Republican Party, or any other right-wing party is downright evil. Since I'm so right-wing and entertaining the idea of joining the Young Liberal movement, it means that I am also evil.

The conclusion has to be reached that all left-wingers will die an untimely death at age 23 whilst handing over spare change to some homeless bum after this particular lefty's last Centrelink visit (the price of pot was less this week, so there was some change left over). The homeless bum turns out to be a knife-wielding Republican Party supporter cracking down on "those fuckin' hippies".

Thus, knife-wielding Republican Party supporters end up living long and prosperous lives, while the blood of the Left flows freely through the streets.

This is why I am so right-wing. I want to LIVE!!!


Thursday, November 06, 2003


This sure is a post 

I suppose I should update the blog quickly before the 6th of November is up. I'm too tired to post anything substantial, so here's a few short things.

* Frank J. does a new In My World™, and it's damn funny as per usual.

* The sun is exploding, or something.

* I'm a couple of days late, but Matt Drudge got CBS to pull that dumb new show The Reagans off free-to-air television, due to it being unnecessarily biased. Hooray!

* Lately, Andrew Sullivan has been following the antics of the crazies over at the Democratic Underground. Sure, these guys may only be on the far-left fringe, but it's absolutely appalling that people can be like that. Seriously.

That's enough from me today.

As a final note, don't be expecting updates until next Monday, as I'll be in Sydney until then.


Wednesday, November 05, 2003


Poll Closed 

Right, the final votes are in for my irregularly-changed polls.

Should Marty change the poll now?

Why? - 11%
No! - 3%
Yes! - 8%
... You're an idiot, Marty - 79%


I hate you all.

In lighter news, there's a new poll up. Hooray!



Marty is awesome! 

Normally I'm not the kind of person that would gloat about something simply for the sake of gloating about it. Really.... Stop looking at me like that!

... Anyway, I finally got my 2nd semester university results earlier tonight. I was suitably gobsmacked by my performance, which was better than I anticipated. For one, not one grade was below that of a credit. Considering how badly I screwed up a couple of my final exams, I'm very, very happy. My brilliant record as far as economics goes remains - nothing below a distinction grade, which my lecturer says is highly commendable.

Hurrah!

Now all you need to do is accept the fact that I'm better than you, that I know more about everything than you, and that for the best part, you are inferior to me. Unless I specify the case to be otherwise (you know who all you special people are!).


Rarr!!! 

I'm finding myself in a particularly foul mood... for reasons that I'll think of later. As a result, much death will ensue in the following paragraphs. First things first, however, I plan on getting rather intoxicated before carrying out these acts of destruction, that way I'm not going to be at all accurate during the fly-over when I drop the bombs out of the plane onto the suckers below me.

As some people may be aware, I'm not a big fan of Tasmania. It's like a painful cyst underneath Australia's foot, forbidding us to move forward because we have to deal with the pain of having that... thing... beneath us. As a result of my irrational righteous hatred of Tasmania, I suggest we ship all of the people that aren't good enough for the mainland to Tasmania. I'd produce a list for you, my dear reader, to go through; but it's more likely than not that you'd find your name on there, so I won't bother.

Anyway, once all people deemed "Unfit for the mainland Tasmania" are shipped to Tasmania, I promise that I'll get very drunk one evening and then get a sober pilot to fly over Tasmania several times while I arbitrarily drop large bombs on the place, reducing it to a wasteland. Then we can dump all our nuclear waste there, or something.

I would have suggested we dump our nuclear waste there anyway, but I have suspicions that secret deals with the U.S. have taken place, and they've been dumping their nuclear waste in Tasmania for several decades. It would explain a lot about the average Tasmanian, anyway. So, logically, we need to blow the place to bits and start again, building some kind of cool atomic supermen or something. None of these Greens senators or any of this over-representation crap.

Next on my list for acts of mindless justified destruction is Byron Bay. The perfect time to strike would have been when we had several hundred of the ugliest Australians naked on hillsides earlier this year - it would have actually done the "Keep Australia Beautiful" Campaign a great deal of good. Oh well, with any luck the United States will start another foreign war soon, so the freaks will get naked again, allowing us another opportunity.

After that, I think making a crater out of the unfortunate instance of the Australian Academic and Research Network in Melbourne would be cool. For some reason that I can't quite put my finger on.


Tuesday, November 04, 2003


Depressiomatic™ 3000 

I got an email from an anonymous person today claiming that I don't do enough funny stuff on this blog. They're probably right, too. I mean, for all I know, you could think this blog is one of the most depressing blogs on the face of the planet.

Here's why:

* Clowns like Bob Brown are always mentioned because of their frowns.

* I'm not funny enough of the time.

* I have found that I am very good with economics (if university grades are anything to go by). Therefore, I am disqualified from ever being funny.

* I talk about depressing people too much.

* Most of the time, what I think is funny isn't funny to you. I can't help it if I'm not a fan of fart jokes.

* I figure that being serious attracts more hate mail (or dumb comments), so I disguise funny stuff as serious opinions, so people tell me that I'm crazy. I make fun of them.

* Not enough people send me hate mail.

Wait, who am I kidding... I know what the real problem is here...

It's all because of the JEWS! That's right, there's a big zionist conspiracy behind my inability to be funny! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to join the Australian Greens, align myself with the American Democrats, and also befriend Satan.


Wooo! 

I think the Simpsons episode that premiered here in Australia tonight was the first one ever that pissed me off upon watching it. Part of the reason that the Simpsons is so funny and popular is that, no matter what your opinions are, there was always some jokes that you found appealing. However, tonights episode with the Cavalry Kids and the Pre-teen Braves was, on the whole, a load of Americans declaring their hatred for their own country (it kinda kills the show's integrity, methinks). There were still plenty of great one-liners, but my point stands.

I sure do hope that the rest of the series that's premiering in Australia is better than this.


Umm... 

I was going to write something, but then I got called to dinner. So now I'm going to go and eat dinner.

Suckers!


Monday, November 03, 2003


It's my first day! 

First day working full-time at an air-conditioning retailer/supplier/installer/servicer/you know what I mean. I've been dealing with Occupational Health and Safety regulations (both the Occupational Health and Safety Act 2000 and the Occupational Health and Safety Regulation 2001 ). My first big project is to design and impliment an OH & S company policy, and also to organise a couple of seminars or courses for all the employees to attend.

As a result, I am envisaging that a lot of busy-ness will ensue, what with me having to go through about six codes of practices, two full legal documents (one 80 pages and another one being 280 pages), and then finally coming up with a policy and manuals for the company. Yay.

One thing I really don't like about these legislations in my brief encounters with them so far, is that seemingly everything is the employers fault. Essentially, some idiot labourer employee (I hate it how they're always referred to as "workers", yet people doing jobs like me aren't) can sue management because of their own gross incompetency. You know, he'll decide to drink a cup of sulfuric acid or something, and then sue the employer for not marking the bottle properly... assuming he survives, of course. It's ridiculous how employees have just about all their responsibility taken away from them and are put in what might as well be expensive day-care centres. Employees, for the best part, can be complete lemmings and yet management has to bear the brunt of their own stupidity.

I hate unions.


Saturday, November 01, 2003


Funny! 

This made me laugh, possibly because I found it to be rather humourous.

Edit: I suggest you right-click and 'save target as'. The file is about 3.5MB, but I still think it is worth the wait for dial-up users (well, I waited for it...).